What’s Real, Who’s Fake, What’s Private? Truths About Virtual Sex Affairs

A friend, Darla, suggested we talk a bit about the whole Ashley Madison fiasco. Her most specific question was this tweet:

Since this whole subject draws on my personal experiences as a former escort and my gig as the fearless leader of the Peck & Call Girls, I shall introduce myself as Secondhand Rose. And I’ll admit, I was more than a bit reluctant to discuss this topic because, well, frankly, I don’t like to be negative. Neither regarding a specific website nor a lifestyle choice — nor anything in between. But questions like this continue to surface…

Having been an escort, I can tell you that there are plenty of reasons for a married man — or woman, for that matter — to seek sex outside of marriage or other committed monogamous relationship. They, as well as the single folks, may opt for the services or company of professionals. Volumes have been written on the subject, text tomes and digital expressions alike; so I won’t enter into all of them. Chances are, if you are reading here you have your own reasons and they honestly do not need to be justified. You are a human being and you have needs, period.

I am not the only Peck & Call Girl with this sincere understanding; some of us are married, some of us were once, others never married because monogamy so isn’t their thing. We get it. I mean that. We don’t just understand your kink, your fetish, your dirty little (and not so little) desires; we also understand what drives your emotional lust too. I know this because I’ve only let the women who understand human sexuality (both the “humanity” and the “sex” parts) join our merry band.

Others are not so understanding. In fact, Ashley Madison was likely targeted for hacking because of the “moral judgements” made by the hackers. This judge-jury-hangman stance alone means the victims deserve our understanding.

But to address Darla’s specific question, regarding “fake” women, you first have to understand the news beneath most of the headlines.

Due to the disproportionate number of men and women at Ashley M. — and plenty of other dating sites, free sites or those with paid memberships — these sites employ what they call “Online Emissaries” or “Legates.” These “emissaries” may be a corporate employee or even a bot of some sort that poses as a female member and interacts with male user accounts. In some cases, the profiles themselves are taken or even scrapped from other sites, such as camgirl sites. Sometimes, the helpful flirty emissary will direct men to escorts or other sex workers. Depending upon your feelings regarding these options, you are (at best?) either entertained for free by a non-existent woman or (at worst?) sent to pay for your affair elsewhere. Some of these sites explicitly state this practice, even if it is buried rather deep in great paragraphs of tiny text. With the Peck & Call Girls, there are no legates, bots, or other emissaries. You know up front that you are dealing with the honest to goodness courtesan you’ve contacted! This is why Darla refers to us as “real women.”

Other questions I’ve been fielding on the subject have to do with entire other notions of what is real and what is fake…

Some who subscribe to sites like Ashley M. (and/or prefer to pay for the services of sex workers they can meet in the real world) often refer to phone sex operators as the fakes. To be as fair as I can to all involved here (and I sincerely do wish to — I can’t won’t diminish the validity of touch, in-person meetings, or other personal needs), I think the better way to differentiate would be to compare sex with another human being to solo-sex. Masturbation is sex. And whether you practice mutual masturbation or have a PSO direct or guide your masturbation, it’s still sex. It’s still real. And so is the person on the other end of the telephone connection. If you prefer the in-person couplings, that’s just fine. But it’s not fair to dismiss the power of sexual gratification and intimate connections via telephone or other means of communication — or the human beings behind the voices and text-typing — as anything less than real.

Having been an escort, I can also tell you that phone sex and the other virtual or digital courtesan services we provide (such as chats, sexting, audio recordings, and written erotica) are far less dangerous than in-the-flesh dalliances. The obvious risks are the legal and health issues. And let’s not forget that some fantasies are safest (and often best) when played within your mind, not played out in the flesh. This is especially true with taboos and fears.

But, typically, virtual sex services are less risky to your real-world relationships as well. (However, when it comes down to how the spouses or partners of our callers feel, we refer you to this post: Is Phone Sex Cheating?.)

I know that some have joined Ashley M. specifically for the “safety” of the cheating aspect. (And, hey, before you pick on me for inferring that Ashley M. is a site for cheaters — the darn site promotes itself with the word, as well as “infidelity.”) For some reason, people continue to believe that if they cheat with another cheater, their secrets are safe. After all, so the thinking goes, they have as much to lose as I do…

But the thing is, how often does that logic actually preserve the secret?

Not often.

Precisely because now it is, at minimum, not one secret but two secrets. And the risk grows exponentially with the number of people being lied to or played.

And then there’s the whole problem with relationships in general, as there’s typically one person who is more invested or “in love” than the other… One person willing to risk or even end their marriage or relationship for the sake of the new affair. Suddenly what was once just a “fun secret affair” is now a brass ring one party wants to grab onto and not let go of. Heck, we all have those friends who hooked-up in a chat room and then suddenly they were being stalked, right?


This is why using professional services is so special and important. Even when things are not purely about the erotic adult entertainment, when things are more honest and friendly in those GFE companionship ways, sex workers know the professional line. Professional phone sex operators stay on the “entertainment” side; they not out to meet, let alone “get”, a man. I know none of the Peck & Call Girls will fall into such delusions or have such aspirations because, again, I have screened them myself. Yes, we may form relationships, intimate friendships; but we are neither falling in love nor encouraging clients to chuck the real world and run away with us. Our telephone and virtual affairs are completely safe this way.

But, of course, no proper discussion of Ashley Madison would be complete without addressing the matters of privacy. So let’s honestly face digital safety factors.

Every Peck & Call Girl uses a secure platform, NiteFlirt, for her professional date time. This provides safe anonymity for all. Our information, your personal information, is safe on NiteFlirt. We only know as much about each other as we dare to share; this is true right down to names. So you can be completely free to play, cuddle, deviate, party, confess — all without the fear that you’ll be outed as some cheating perv.

And, as we are each as discreet as we are unique, your secrets are as safe with us as you wish. This means that even on our blogs and social media accounts we will refrain from identifying you — unless you wish otherwise.  We respect that your user ID and our conversations are confidential. (Of course, if the thrill or fear of such things going public like that is what gets your motor humming, we have girls who will play with that too!) But we won’t kiss and tell unless you express such wishes.

We do take all our privacy seriously.

Yet, we must all face that we live in a time where hacks happen. Should you be concerned about such things, consider the following classics: Virtual Private Networks (VPN) & Internet Message Access Protocol (IMAP). You may also wish to consider safer (non-tracking) browser options such as DuckDuckGo or TOR. If you are truly concerned about privacy, consider a paid email service such as Unspyable.  Additional online security tips are here.

Obviously, the Ashley M. hack was a nightmare due to the personal information tied to credit cards getting out. One way around this is to use a pre-paid credit card with a Visa or MasterCard logo. (Apparently some of these cards require you to call the phone number on the back of the card in order to register a name, SSN, and/or address; I do not know which card issuers require this, but here some folks have ideas.)

Also, while we’re discussing discretion… You may which to review some basics regarding the safety factors involved in gifting your favorite phone sex girl. See: Gifts & Wishlists For PSOs & How To Safely & Anonymously Use CashMe. (This doesn’t only apply to holiday time — we know you gentlemen callers love to send gifts all year ’round. And we so appreciate it! So much so, that we want you to be safe doing so as well.)

…After all of this, the only answer I can give to the, “Why aren’t more men sticking with us?” question is, “They just don’t know about us!”

Well, that and the fact that there are but eight Peck & Call Girls. As great as we women are, we can’t handle the entire male population alone!

Virtual courtesans as discreet -- or flamboyant -- as you desire.

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  1. […] have you on the line (Get it? I’m back to the phone puns!), I’d like to direct you to this article about virtual sex options (it also has excellent tips on privacy & safety for clients […]

  2. […] What’s Real, Who’s Fake, What’s Private? Truths About Virtual Sex Affairs, friend of the blog Secondhand Rose puts it this […]

  3. […] are so anti-abortion — it’s all about women’s sexual autonomy.) That’s one of several things (like fake women bots) we can learn from the whole Ashley Madison hack & ensuing […]

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